Emma horrified, and horrifies, me. Could it be, I’ve always wondered, that on any given occasion when I’ve been interested in doing something I might have been attracted by a superficial attractiveness? “Oh, going here is trendy, oh, doing that will get me admiration.” I began this year wanting to avoid these superficialities, escaping Emma’s mindset, simply concentrating on things I was serious about.

But. As I was reading Canadian author Russell Smith‘s Men’s Style, I was struck by a confident statement in the book’s introduction that there was nothing wrong with taking pleasure in superficialities, that there was nothing wrong with wanting to look good or to do enjoyable things for their own sake. That took me aback.

Later, I’d come to another speculation: might a desire to avoid frivolities be itself stifling? If, as I’ve come to believe, play is important, if I exclude activities or events which are characterized by any superficiality at all then aren’t I acting to discourage any innovation or change on my part? What’s wrong, after all, with wanting to do things because they look cool if that’s only part of the reason?

(I went from thick–but damaged–shoulder-length hair to this sweet teeny-weeny afro)

Wowzers, huh? Tomorrow, I will post about the “Why”s of this hair cut. Because it’s not just about a hair cut. I would say more, but that would defeat the purpose of this post which is mainly just to shock and awe

Have a blessed day!

Here I am some +/-10 years later trying to exercise my body, and after my runs, I hobble off the treadmill like an 80-year-old woman. You see, I haven’t been stretching. My time is precious; I am so focused on getting in, getting on, and getting out that I skip over that crucial step of preparing my body for the journey it’s about to undertake. And though it may seem like I’m saving time, my body suffers as a result.

But this– this stretching–shouldn’t just be about my runs. Maybe one of the reasons my temper has been so short (besides the depression), is because I am not devoting enough time to letting my mind and spirit stretch.There is no time where I really sit and focus on inhaling and exhaling, on contracting and expanding.

Do you take time to stretch each morning and night? Physically or mentally? Does it take form in a hobby that you enjoy or a book you read? Maybe you take time to meditate? What do you do to prepare yourself for your daily journeys?

One reason I really love this project is that it makes me think about the future in ways that I hadn’t before, in any amount of detail, say, or with any particular goals, or in ways that impacted on my identity.

Who are you? and what do you want (even if it’s not that good for you)? I’m going to answer this question this year. And you?

I am also still fixated on the silhouette concept, and using some carbon paper I have been able to find an easier way to translate action photos into these multi-coloured, radiating silhouettes which communicate the vibrancy of an active body. I also wanted the “waves of radiating colour” to match among the kids, to show the three of them acting on the same urge to jump.

Meanwhile, I have been using a lot of photography this past week and I am still in the works of modifying them. One project I’ve started is to go through some photos of a cross-country running race from the past summer, and using a similar technique (maybe with pastels or some collaging instead) to continue on the “body” theme. Just playing!

Immediately after the fever pitch of Christmas indulgence, every conversation and newspaper story (including the one thing I wrote between then and now) is based in either retrospective or resolution. Still, the crucial connection between what’s come before and what happens next is totally lost in the pandemonium of remember-when and next-times. Other than non-deluded resolutions, like learning to sew or play the guitar or to compost more, the resolutions that I’ve heard about, like “focus on my health” and “stop spending too much money” are impossibilities on their own, at least without some kind of framework other than lingering, post-holiday regret, a few bottles of champagne and the temporary relief that a resolution provides. Does nobody else read these statistics about fading resolve, about how few people return to the gym after March? No?

Most change is like this: an articulation of a quiet desire, or when the motivation to do things slightly differently becomes greater than the motivation not to. Those slow, stilted, painful moments that create change require multiple tiny failures, and real talk about what the fuck is the matter with you (probably low self-esteem). Truly changing a life is so much harder than deciding. It’s doing.

I agree entirely with Erin’s post about how making resolutions aren’t helpful. Forcing oneself to engage in a revolutionary change is the sort of thing that will only rarely work; complete breaks from the past are always difficult. This year is a year when I’ll move forward and experience new things, yes, but I’ll be doing so–and be more secure in doing so–but last year was a year when I did the same, if not nearly to the extent that I’d like. Last year was a year mostly preoccupied by the sorts of dreams that I needed, that I think most people need, to have an idea what to do; this year, I’m pretty sure, will be a year when I put at least some of those dreams into play.

I was mulling over the purpose of resolutions–as I’m sure most of us are at this time of year–when I read Meredith‘s post, The Anti-Resolution Resolution. It was like I was reading my own thoughts, but in someone else’s (much more coherent) words. And in that post, she referenced this post on Christine Kane’s blog. Long story short, it’s about forgetting resolutions (because none of us stick to them any way) and choosing a word to live by for that year. Brilliant, right?

So I’m throwing out resolutions, using my dreams as my guide, and living life Genuinely and Boldly. Ok. I know, it’s two words. But it seems so appropo that I found these words–words that define an authentic me (thank you Style Statement and Danielle LaPorte)–not too long ago. I mean, seriously, I’ve changed a lot of things in the three weeks that I’ve been living Genuinely Bold so I can only imagine what 52 weeks would do.

I’d love for you to follow along. . . Happy New Year.

*Here’s a preview of what’s to come.

I have been playing with lots of ideas, but I’ve been lazy about taking pictures and blogging! I used a photograph in a magazine of a modern dancer, and made it into a stencil — using the silhouette, I tried to use pencil crayons to being the image of movement to life. I’ve been playing at this all week, with some very decidedly mixed results, but this one turned out okay. My husband has finally informed me that he has graphite paper which will make for a much better tracing! I actually can’t draw, so this was the closest I could get to recreating a proportional image of a body in movement. I also want to try using old pictures of my cats in action to make some silhouette images like this, over the weekend.

Ask me why
I’ll say it’s most unusual
How can I even try to explain
why today I feel like dancing
singing like lovers sing
when I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing?
I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing

Ask me what
I’ll say I think it’s good for you
Believe it or not I know where it’s all leading to
I feel like taking all my clothes off
dancing to The Rite of Spring
and I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing
I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing
I wouldn’t normally do this kind of
this kind of thing

As one fan wrote, the song’s genesis came when Tennant and Lowe realized that something new was happening in their lives.

A short, simple, yet highly melodic piano-driven song that celebrates the exhilaration one feels at falling deeply in love, maybe for the first time. It’s also superbly structured with its parallel verses, each prompting the listener to ask a question, which the narrator is then pleased to answer. Succinct, with not a moment wasted, the original Very album version is an absolute gem.

Actually, the song’s genesis has nothing to do with being in love. Neil was embarking on a day trip from London to Edinburgh, and on his way via taxi to Heathrow Airport he thought to himself, “I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing”—that is, fly from one place to another and back in a single day. He couldn’t get the phrase out of his head, and it soon evolved into a song. He and Chris created the demo for it in the studio the very next day.

That sort of desire for experimentation, that sort of willingness to ask questions of ourselves and find out the answers, that willingness to embrace the joys coming from change–that’s what this blog’s about.

Believe me, I’ll have more later. For now, enjoy the music.